Thursday, March 22, 2012

back on the farm for the last time

I've been back at Yamaai Mura farm for five days now. The weather has been wonderful, which means I have been busy too! Hiroko-obachan and Keichan drove me here from Mashiki on Sunday afternoon. The last time they will have to do that for me. I will see them again briefly before I leave for Osaka. Speaking of Osaka, there was a WWOOFer from Osaka there when I came. She was 28. We dropped her off at the bus station Tuesday night.

In the evening Muto-san prepared a Japanese barbeque in the room next door with the traditional ash pit with red hot coals. We had chicken, cabbage, onions, shiitake, carrots, beef, shrimp and fish. On the side there was fish and octopus sashimi. Makoto came, bringing chocolate, chips and drinks. We listened to music, ate, chatted and had fun. We even got to talk to Evan and his dad on skype briefly before my battery died.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were similar. After the rain there was a ton of shiitake, especially now that it has gotten a little warmer. We diveded the picking into three days. After we harvested a third of the shiitake, we took them to the drying machine (where we lined the mushrooms up in rows face down on plastic sheets to go into the machine). Then lunch and whatever other work there was to be done. In the early mornings we packed the shiitake into boxes for the market. It felt busy, but there was also a lot of chatting with Hitomi, making boxes and doing laundry... I guess. On Tuesday, Hana-chan came. When we went to pick shiitake I got to hold her. After that, she seemed to really like me and didn't really cry. I was happy! I held her and walked with her and played with her. She even helped me pick shiitake for a little bit. She called out my name when she couldn't see me anymore...I was touched...and very appreciative.

On Tuesday afternoon Muto-san took me and Kuro-chan (from Osaka) to a Korean puppet show at the community center. It was definitely for children, but cute. Mixed with Japanese and Korean folk songs...afterwards we all went to a room to enjoy strawberry daifuke (homemade by the elderly women in the area) and chatted with people and the visiting Korean performers. Makoto was there too, and he sat with us as we enjoyed the treats.

That night Muto-san and I said good bye to Kuro-chan after enjoying a sushi dinner.

Hiro has started coming more. He can walk fine now, though he still has to be careful. Today was fun because the two young grandboys came. I think around 6 and 8 years old. They seem to really like the farm, and are a delight to watch. We harvested yaakon and carrots in the morning and then they invited me to lunch at their house. Ramen, rice and yaakon/carrot dish:) Yummy! We watched a movie called "Monsters" which I didn't really like...

After that we went into the mountains to start putting the shiitake bacteria into the logs, but the drill started acting funny really soon after we started so we went back and cleaned up the vegetables that we harvested in the morning. I kicked a soccer ball around with the two boys for a while too...it was fun.

I don't know...I'm glad to be here again... I like the animals and the shiitake and the routine of it. I also went on a run yesterday and today...I'm very sore now but in a good way:)

It's supposed to rain tomorrow, then be sunny again.

Oh, Spring.

Friday, March 16, 2012

It's rainy again, but it will let up for at least a week starting on Monday.

Before the rain came, I did some fabulous things here! On Wednesday Keichan took me down to Amakusa to visit his family who lives there in the house where he grew up. It takes two hours, exactly, to get there. There was a little mountain road that suddenly opened up to a beautiful open area. There were tall, green mountains hugging a tiny town against the ocean spattered with small green islands. There were the terraced gardens, some empty and waiting for the rains and the rice planting while others still had what was left of the winter vegetbales like broccoli, cabbage, daikon, hakusai, cauliflower and the onions getting ready for harvest. We drove up a dangerously narrow road to a grouping of houses and arrived at a beautiful traditional Japanese country home. There was a field next to it and in front of it. A small but beautiful Japanese garden complete with a small stone bridge and pool with gold fish. There was a tiny vegetable patch next to the garden where there were green onions, greens and then rows of flowers. Keichan's parents were there, along with his niece and sister in law. His younger brother was on a business trip. The niece is 15, Akiko. That morning she had graduated from middle school and gotten accepted to the local High School. Since so many people had left this little country town for the city, she was a part of a graduating class of thirty. When Keichan was young there were over 100 kids to a class. Now there are only the elderly in these places...

The house was in beautiful condition. The thick beams of dark wood and the sliding doors wide open to reveal rooms of tatami mats... it is really like a step back in time. In one room there is the mini shrine for the families ancestors. The black and white photos and great grandmothers and fathers lined up along the edge of the ceiling, peering down at those who pray.

Keichan's sister in law had prepared a huge feast for lunch. Akiko talked nonstop and showed me the scroll she recieved for graduationg, then Chibi (the cat) and where the bathrooms are and more. When lunch was ready we all sat around the kotatsu table. There was sashimi (Amakusa is famous for fish and especially sashimi), homemade tempura, black sesame tofu, pasta salad, steamed broccoli and cauliflower from the garden, seasoned cauliflower, soy sauce flavor vegetables, and more, plus fruit- strawberries and apples cut to resemble rabits. I tried to just eat a little bit of everything, but I filled up too much,  it was all fabulous! The fish was soft and chewy- fresh and delicious. I LOVE JAPANESE FOOD.

After that, Keichan drove Akiko and I up to the tallest peak in Amakusa, which happened to be the mountain behind their home. We climbed the final ten steps or to the very tip top and looked out over the surrounding ocean and land. We could see Nagasaki and where Kumamoto was. Where Ashikita is and generally where Kagoshima is. The ocean was still, the little mountainous island sitcking up out of the sheet of silver water... fishing boats were the only disturbance. It was a clear day, only a little haze from the dust blown from China was there... exhilirating. There were cherry blossom trees up there, they will be blooming in just a couple weeks - I can't imagine how beautiful that would be.

When we got back to the house we went to where Obaachan keeps her pickles and Keichan collected some takuan to take home. There were big pale yellow buckets, the lids were wedged down in the bottom and three weights about 15 kg each on top. Without the weight, the pickles would go bad. After the lid was opened there was a strong wave of the pickle smell (which some people really hate) but after the initial shock, it was good. It was in a bag that was opened to reveal the flavoring for the pickles. Different greens and  the peels of persimmons. Underneath that, Obaachan pulled out about 6 deep yellow takuan logs (pickled daikon). Then they let me gather umeboshi (sour plums), because they are my favorite, into a jar to take back to Mashiki. Chibi, that cat, was there watching us the whole time. After the pickle excitment Akiko showed me around the vegetable and flower garden. She knew a lot about all the plant names and the flowers they had and the seasons they bloomed in. In high school she said she wanted to join a Garden Club or something that wasn't offered in middle school. They don't get very many visitors here, Keichan told me she was really excited about having me come. I was glad I got some chance to talk to her. At the wedding she was really shy, but she was quite the opposite in her home.

We drank tea and ate a little snacks before heading back to Mashiki. They gave me a gift of traditional Japanese sweets, my favorite - they must have known! It included "Ichigo Daifuki" (Mochi with an entire strawberry wrapped in sweet bean paste inside), "Ikinari Dango" (Sweet bean paste and sweet potato wrapped in dango) and I believe "Kinako Daifuki" (I don't remember the exact name, but it is mochi with sweet bean paste inside and then dusted with soy bean powder). They also gave me a special kind of furikake (rice seasoning) made of Shimo potato, that is special to that area.
It was fun. I hope Akiko can come to America one day. She wants to see a flat horizon of land...something you can't really find in Japan.


On Thursday I got up at 8:00, ate breakfast and then I helped Keichan weed in the garden till noon. It looks a lot better. From all the rain, the ground was soft and the weeds came out easily. Soon he will plant for the summer. It felt good to be doing something. I've gotten better at crouching on the ground "Japanese Style" for long periods of time. Only my knees were a little sore afterwards. Then after lunch I walked to the post office then Super Kids discount store and then took the long way back to the house, walking by the river rather than the noisy road and practically nonexistant sidewalk. There was a small store on the side road selling fruit...so I stopped and bought two apples, they looked good.

I sat by the river and reflected a little in the sunshine. A little girl and her mother walked by...she was absolutely adorable.

I've been copying all the kanji from my textbook onto study sheets so that I can mail the textbook home with my winter clothes soon. It's spring here... today was actually warmer outside than inside despite the rain.

Yesterday Keichan took me to Kumamoto city to go to big book stores. I finished "The Book Thief". Which made me cry at the end...it was a beautiful.
All the book stores seem to have the same selection of English books...I've read a good portion of them (or a good portion of the ones that I'm interested in). I ended up picking up "The Reader", a bilingual copy of "Nodame Cantibile volume 1" and traditional Japanese cook book. I've kind of gotten interested in cooking...I guess maybe it is because otherwise I wont really be able to eat Japanese food (other than mommy's cooking, of course).

I've been reading the bilingual comic of Nodame and it's been really good kanji practice. Also, being able to kind of read it in Japanese makes me understand the real emotion and subtle nuances of the comic, while the English, of course, makes me understant the meaning. Reading the Japanese part is way more fun, though. It loses it's flavor when it becomes English...:(

Tomorrow I'm going back to Kikuchi for a month. I hope there is a lot to do! I want to work!


Sunday, March 11, 2012

March Eleventh

3.11

It's been one year since the earthquake here in Japan.
There are many TV specials today, telling the stories of the people who have struggled. However, in just that one year, they have come a long way in cleaning up the damage. Of course, the homes and the people who were lost cannot be brought back...but I hope everyone is thinking about them today...and that those who have suffered can keep healing...


On Wednesday we went to harvest shiitake. I had never seen so many in my life. Like a fantasy. But with four people it probably only took 2 hours or so to harvest them, and fill the back of the little truck. In the afternoon we went to the shiitake drying house and lined them up on the trays for the machine. Then we went back to the farm and sorted most of the rest of the shiitake into boxes. I had never done that before...maybe because there wasn't really a situation for me to do it because Hiro and Hitomi always did...maybe because there wasn't ever this many shiitake while I've been here. So Megumi, Hitomi and I sorted them into boxes while Hiro packaged the boxes with newspaper and string. After that Muto-san took Megumi and me to the "Ichiba" where all the local farmers bring their produce and then from there they are sold to markets and stores. It was a 40 minute drive. When we got back to the farm Muto-san said we were going to the onsen! Which I was happy about, because I had been itching to go. So we went off again. Megumi and I spent most of the time in the outdoor pool but quickly toured the other indoor pools - except for the cold one. After that we had dinner there. I ordered teriyaki chicken and they got fried chicken chunks (Karage). It came with salad bar, rice and soup. I ate all my food and one of Muto-san's chicken peices (because he's on a diet). I should be on a diet too, I've gained weight!!!!!!

Friday we didn't do a lot of work because all afternoon we prepared for our dinner: bread, pizza and ribs baked in the pizza oven outside. Muto-san had never baked bread there before. In the bread machine in the house we made the dough. We made the pizzas first then followed it bread. Megumi-san made wiener rolls and I tried out cutting apple into little bits, and mixing that with cinnamon and walnuts, thinning the dough then rolling - little by little- the filling into the dough. It was like a cinnamon roll, but not really sweet. I personally I thought it was really good! It all came out fabulously. The ribs, the pizzas and the bread:D Our last dinner.

I am making plans to visit Megumi in Kagoshima briefly before coming home...I'm already looking forward to that.

On Saturday Muto-san drove us to Kikuchi and from there, Makoto-san picked Megumi and I up. I thought he was just going to take us to Kumamoto Station but it ended up being an excursion! He took us to Aso Shrine and Aso crater. At the shrine there was a little circular garden where if you put a coin in the box then walk around the garden twice, you will find your partner soon. So the three of us did that, since we are all single. Then we did a different fortune where there were five levels of luckiness and you pick out the little papers (not know what is what) for 100 yen. I got the best one! Maybe that cancels the bad one I got before..:P and the charm that got in the package was for protection of family... which I think is a good one to have gotten, considering the circumstances. Saturday was a beautiful the day, the first in a week. The grasses on Aso were golden and the sky blue and with wispy clouds. The crater was closed due to the strong gases, but we went to the tourist center there and ate ikinaridango (sweet potato and anko dumpling) and chatted for a little bit before heading out. When we had come up the mountain, we'd seen a woman walking down the road - a foreigner. When we driving down ourselves, we saw she still had a long way to go so I asked Makoto-san if maybe we could give her a ride. He said sure so I ran to where she was walking and asked if she spoke English, she said yes so well I thought she must be American, but I soon found out she was a college student from Denmark spending some time in Japan before she has to go back to study. She knew a little Japanese too. She was quiet and seemed a little defensive, but we offered her black sugar biscuits, botan candy, orange caramels and a can of coffee and she seemed to warm up to us a little. We dropped her off at the Aso station and Makoto then took us to Kumamoto. They dropped me off right at the Fukuda's house. It was fun and I was grateful for their company.

At the Fukuda's I fell right back into where I left off, feeling at home and relaxed. We had chicken, pumpkin and green beans sauteed with curry flavor as well as soup and salad. We talked and took turns taking a bath. I slept like a baby.

Today we went to Minamata near Amakusa today. We went to a place called "Fukuda Farm", a fruit and vegetable farm in the mountains that now runs a Spanish style little tourist restaurant, bakery and winery. It made me want to go to Spain! For lunch we ate there a set of seafood rice dish. It was really delicious. It also came with a drink, so I ordered an orange juice made there. That was really yummy too.
 There was a room upstairs that seemed like a shrine for turtles. There were tons and tons of turtle toys and trinkets and things... we thought the boss of the place must just really like turtles.  The whole area was made with white stucco-like buildings and had tile and mosaic patios and furniture outside. Apparently the scenery looks similar to Spain in the summer... which is why there is  Spanish theme to the place. It was fun:) As we were leaving a Spanish Flamingo Dance started...

Then we went to the Minamata town, where there is a museum. Minamata is famous for what happened about 50 years ago. A factory, Chisso, was dumping mercury sledge into the bay as waste from their factory. Despite the fact that they knew it caused health problems, they continued because at the time they were the lead of the industrialization boom, I believe, in Japan. A while after they started fish and shell fish started dying. Then cats started dying and having seizure like symptons. Next, it was humans. This is because people ate the fish that were contaminated by the sledge from the chemical factory. There are still issues about it today... It was very sad to read about different people's experiences. They didn't know what was causing this "disease" at first and people didn't know it wasn't contagious so at first when someone got it, the town shut them and their family out, telling them things like they couldn't buy from their store, that they shouldn't walk down the streets and did things like throw rocks at the windows... but before long even those who had been mean got the disease too...it was written that some of people's last words were apologizing for the terrible things they did to isolate those first families... Patients were and are being compensated monetarily for their suffering...but there is so much more that money cannot take the place of.

The ocean was beautiful. The light was soft because of all the dust in the air that apparently floats to this area during this time of year from China. Blue skies. Swooping seagulls. Strong winds. We prayed briefly for those who suffered so much one year ago...

We have been watching TV about different people's experiences with the tsunami. Some of the footage is surreal. There was a clip from someone standing on a mountain looking down at the nearing wave of water, houses, cars and trees while people were running to escape it. One person was a little behind the others, running but obviously not quick enough. The man stopped filming that person right before we could know if that person was gone or might still be alive today. I have this terrible feeling in my gut that they didn't make it... it was too close.

We see those kinds of things in movies all the time...but it different when you know it is real. That that could be you or your family member or friend running...but not running fast enough.

We ate gyoza for dinner and broccoli fresh from the garden.

Tomorrow I am going to try to make banana bread, possibly try to walk up 3,333 steps and hopefully help in Keichan's garden.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

A walk...okinomiyaki...muffins and rain

March 5th

I haven't written anything in a while...not even in my journal. I know I will regret it and I started to feel guilty for wasting such great experiences...so I will try to catch up now. Megumi-san, the WWOOFer (24, from Kagoshima) has been wonderful. I have now known her for four days, but I feel like I've known her for much, much longer. I don't know what it is...perhaps my lonliness from before...but I think it is really that we get along as two people in this world. We feed the chickens, collect and wash the eggs together. We have been making breakfast together, and today we made lunch together. Two days ago Muto-san went to a wedding so Megumi-san and I walked down to "the Water Station" about a 40 minute walk or so and did a little shopping. Konyaku, dango powder, strawberries, sweet potato, deko pon and things like that for our dinner. We took a different road back from the way we came, this one I had ridden my bike on the time before, but this time on foot and with a friend it was a completely different experience. All over the area you see the elderly working on their land. It's the time for preparing shiitake logs. All over there are the fallen and chopped up kunugi trees and their tufts bronze leaves scattered around. Then there are the places that are finished stacking, that are in the process of stacking. At one place we saw an elderly couple together, doing their work, stacking the logs, putting in the nails...the wife was hunched over, then I saw that she had a cane. Barely can stand and walk but out preparing shiitake logs for use two years from now...is it because they have to? Because they love to? Because they don't know anything else but their land and their work? Where are their children? Where are their grandchildren? Those kind of questions come to mind when I see these things. I find it beautiful...but is it really? Because when I see them I want to think they have a passion for their work and their land. I don't know, though. Why has everyone gone to the city? What does the countryside lack so much of? Megumi-san feels the same as me. We want similar futures. Live in a small country town, marry a farmer, have many fresh vegetables and fruit and nut trees (specifically chesnut, persimmon and kin-kan), work on the farm, make handmade pickles and goods...simple, rough, beautiful?

 After we got back from our walk we made a pretty fabulous dangojiru (dumpling soup). We stuffed it full of carrots (that I went to the garden and plucked from the ground that night), daikon, onions, long green onions, sweet potatos, freshly picked shiitake mushrooms and of course the dumplings that we made with the dumpling mix and mashed sweet potatoes. We made it with miso soup base. That was March 3rd. When collecting eggs we found a dead chicken. Hitomi came and showed us what to do if that happened again, then she promised us chirashi rice (loose sushi) since it was Girl's Day. After our soup was done she came with a red lacquer box of fresh chirashi rice for us. We gave her some of our soup in thanks. That was a good dinner - dango jiru, chirashi rice and fruit salad. That was our one sunny day.

Yesterday was Sunday, the day off. Megumi-san went with Muto-san to Kikuchi Gorge in the morning before the rain. I did the eggs and helped a few minutes with shiitake boxing. In the afternoon we drove a while to a different town nearer to Kumamoto where there are bigger stores. On Saturday morning we had started two projects: making a new sign and making a flower bed at the driveway entrance. Megumi-san did the sign after helping me bring  a log to be one of the borders for the garden. The other two sides I made of rocks. I ripped up all the weeds and roots then filled it in with other dirt. I pruned a bush that hung over a little far and ripped up the baby bamboo and vines. On Sunday we went to a giant garden center to buy plants. Megumi-san meandered around before deciding. We bought some spring flowers for now to plant and then some bulbs that would bloom in the summer. Once the sign is finished, it will look a lot better... I think. After the garden center we went to eat okinomiyaki (cabbage pancake). There was a hot plate built into the table and we odred which one we wanted and it was brought out raw in a bowl, and you cooked it yourself. I ordered three small ones with different flavors. Egg, flour, cabbage, meat, seafood, cheese, corn, greens...then topped with special okinomiyaki sauce, mayo, nori and bonito flakes. I don't normally get too excited about okinomiyaki, but when it comes to eating time, I was pretty happy. Afterwards we got ice cream - I got vanilla ice cream with a drizzle of matcha syrup and some sweet bean paste. Love. We came back to the house and Megumi-san and I made muffins. Well, they didn't really turn out like muffins. Why don't normal Japanese homes have ovens?? Using a microwave oven just isn't the same. Nothing turns out right. They flavor was alright, orange, dried fig, walnut and cinnamon...but they came out little, greasy and dense - with a gummy texture... ざんねん。

Talking with Megumi-san has been wodnerful. We clicked. Clicked.

It was rainy last night. It was rainy all afternoon and early morning today. There was such a thick fog for the entire day, I didn't see anything else but what was 300 feet in any direction... a grey day when you can't see the world around you. In the monring while the rain wasn't coming down we planted the garden. I'm afraid it might drown now, though. Muto-san went to a meeting so we started lunch a little early. I asked Megumi-san if I could experiment on a stir fry and she said sure. Chopped up vegetables, added a seafood mix and then chopped pecans. The sauce I tried honey, garlic and ginger and dashi. After that we had to add some salt, but it wasn't so bad. I also made her try apple and cheese on a thin slice of bread. I don't know if she liked it, but she seemed to enjoy trying new things. It's fun having the kitchen to ourselves. She has lived by herself for two years now and  she said that is definitely one of the perks - cooking. I am looking forward to having some fun myself. Now that I have a grasp on some of the basics of Japanese cooking, I'm excited to experiment.

I watched a Miyazaki film that Megumi-san reccomended for me - it was so adorable. I don't remember the name "Mimi wo sumaseba". I hadn't ever heard about it before...but it was such a wonderful little love story. I just ended up feeling a little sad and jealous at the end, though...but that's only because I can be terribly pathetic:)

In the afternoon we finished sorting rice (which didn't take long since there was only a little left) and then Megumi-san went to work on the sign and I asked Katsu if he wanted help feeding the pigs today since it was rainy. He said OK so I went along with him. He let me fill the buckets with feed from the mixer, which I hadn't done before. I had to pull a small plate out from the bottom of the giant mixer so that the feed would rush out into the bucket, then close it again when it was full. I didn't get it quit right at first, but eventually it got better. While the feed mixed he showed me what was in the chicken feed - seaweed, dried greens, soy beans, shells, ground tree bark (or something), ground fish bones...calcium...and more. I never would have thought that was all in there. Apparently the tree bark powder makes the poop smell less, it is for the pigs as well. We also talked about food and how Hiroko-san's (his wife) brother went to America only for ten days and came back fatter. Then we talked about work and the generation gap and the two different views on life and work... How he wants to take two days off and go to an aquarium in either Fukuoka or Kagoshima with his wife and daughter after Hiro can walk properly again. Before I knew it the pigs were fed and the rain was thicker... Megumi-san had a carved the hiraga "ya' and "ma" into the sign for "yamai mura". It's the 5th, we both leave for our places on the 10th. She goes home to take a test to see if she can get a teaching job on a small island near Kagoshima. I hope she gets it...and finds her farmer to marry and plants many amazing trees. I told her if she does that, I will definitely come and see her so I can eat all the chestnuts and persimmons, pears and plums....:)

I talked with Hitomi-san for a while today after work was over...we talk about kimonos and family and television shows. She was at the hospital today taking care of Muto-san's father who is now in rehabilitation. She said for the first time, he told her "thank you". She smiled just in light of the memory.

This time coming here, I feel everyone has opened up to me in some way. Maybe they got used to me coming and going like I have been...like this is my home. Whatever it is, I'm so grateful for it. In November I never would have imagined having long, theoretical conversations with Katsu. Chatting about kimonos, food and good looking actors with Hitomi-san. Talking to Hiro about music, family and his future. Muto-san sharing his concerns about work and family...the future of Japanese farming and still his dreams.

And now I have Megumi-san, who I think is the kind of person who even if we do not keep in solid contact with over the next four years, if I show up one day and ask to see her, we can pick up right where we left off. Singing "Country Road" in English- Japanese mix with crappy guitar playing (by me), cooking experimental food and watching beautiful Japanese movies until late at night.

Despite the endless rain, I have not fallen into my hole of sadness. Even in the mist, with friends I can be happy.


ちょっと日本語でなにか書きましょうか。。。
たぶんこの後で、いつでも日本に来る時、私はやまあい村にもどらなくちゃいけません。五ヶ月前、この所しりませんでした。この人が生きているの事しりませんでした。
私ぜったいにかわってないけど、ちょっと私の見方がかわったかなと思います。この前、日本に来た時よく町しかにいきませんでした。もちろん、日本のけしきは今と同じです。まだそのたけとすぎとくぬぎとひのきの森とちさい田んぼとおばあさんとおじいさんたち働いているんでした。まだ、同じ。でも前に、その木の名前は 'クヌギ’ と ’すぎ’ ぜんぜんしらなかった。その木はしいたけ作るのためにいる事もしらなかった。そのおじいさんとおばあちゃんたちの子供はみんな町に行ってしまいましたの事もしらなかった。

この田舎すごく好きになりました。この国も好きになりました。

たぶん、私の日本語はもうちょっと上手になりましたからと思います。私の心は本当に日本人のきがします。。。もちろん、私はアメリカ人です。それはいつまでも。よくわかりません。ちょっとわかられません。まず、アメリカに帰らなくちゃいけません。その後で、大学にいかなくちゃいけません。その後で、どうになるんまだしらない。それは楽しみです。

でも、今しってる日本をわすれられません。今の生活も。今の好きの事。きらいな事も。全部大事にしなくちゃいけない。

その時まで。。。

It's March

March First

I cannot believe it is already March. I say that everytime a new month comes around, I know. But this is going so quickly. However...I find myself torn between the relief that soon I will go home and the sadness that  is the reality of leaving this place I have come to love.  I have made friends here. I now have relationships with people in this country that I would never have even dreamed of having 5 months ago.

For a while I was comforted by the idea that I could really make a home anywhere. That I could feel so comfortable and at home anywhere, really. I don't know what exactly the change was...perhaps it was my time alone in Sapporo, or coming back to Kikuchi which until I got here for the second time, felt like it was always far away (I considered a part of the "end" of my trip). But I'm here and it's been two and a half weeks. I am thankful for the caring and frienly people here. Muto-san, Hitomi-san, Katsu and Hiro have really saved me...without them (and perhaps the chickens, who I chat with everyday) I would probably not be doing so well right now. They were nice to me two months ago, but this time around I really feel like they have accepted me into their lives, that I'm more than just a foreigner coming for a little while...of course I'll never know what they feel, but that's what I like to think...

However, I have come to realize that there is absolutely nothing in this world that can truly make me feel the way my family does. I'm sure people are reading that and thinking that I must be pretty stupid to not have realized that before hand. I love my family. Everyone has issues, but working through them and forgiving is part of that love. I guess here I have come to realize that it is hard to find that, harder than I first thought...I think now that I have been here for a little longer, I have come to need something more substantial.  Even today Muto-san told me something along the lines of "American families are 'tighter' than Japanese families". I think that can have many meanings. Person by person we take away what we want. I know that I kissed my parents good night until middle school (with a good night kiss it created a shell to protect me from nightmares).
 I know that we always say "I love you". I know I can go to my family for anything. We say Hi and Bye when we come and go. We take forever hanging up the phone because neither of us wants to be the one to end it. We eat dinner together and laugh and talk. We are family, but also like friends.  I do know every family is not like ours, but also know that we are not alone. Maybe in the USA. Maybe here, there are families like ours. But there is only one family that I really love in this way and that is mine. I miss them. I do.

I listen to music, songs about going home. Make up my own too, sometimes. Sing them in the morning in my hour washing eggs... walking to the chicken coop...in the shower...gathering logs...whatever.

Maybe it is the many rainy days that has made me sad.

Or the reality that I'll be going home so soon.

Maybe it's seeing this family here...seeing Hitomi-san joke with Hiro, the two sons chatting, Muto-san taking care of his mother...and me wishing I could be back.

But something good has happened, a little perk in my lonliness. Today I went with Muto-san to pick up a WWOOFer from Kagoshima. She is 24 and went to college for technical studies and teaching. Recently I watched that movie, "Kamome no Shokudo" thta Katsu reccomended to me and loved. So I asked this new WWOOFer (while the three of us sat in Joyfull enjoying drinks and chocolate parfait) what movies she likes. She said, "Hmmm, well, so you know Kamome no Shokudo?". Muto-san and I could hardly believe it! Muto-san was probably a little disappointed because he doesn't care for those kind of movies (movies brinking on being a bore unless you have a fine appreciation for the film style, little artistic details and beautiful simplicity) but I was happy. She studied carpentry, plants, and electricity at college so that she can teach middle schoolers. She likes plants, especially herbs and using them in cooking but also ones for around the house. Her name is Megumi-san. I am really, really happy she is here. We are sharing the room with the bunk bed, and I've only know her for ten hours but I feel like we've known eachother for much longer. This is a blessing. I am so thankful that she is who she is...I hope it gets sunny so we can do fun work together.